In the weeks that follow

Let’s settle in for some real talk, shall we?

I feel like in the last couple of weeks, I have literally given all I have to give. It’s weird. To be at the ultimate empty. To be at negative empty. But every theatre person knows, that you aren’t done until you’re in the negatives. Then you know you’ve put on a good show.

Here’s the stupid thing about me. I helped put a high school musical together. I helped organize it, cast it, hire people, order wigs, make arrangements for whatever needed to get done, built  a six foot tall hairspray can (no really). Did I mention I don’t run the theatre department? I just kind of did it? (With permission) I also have been coaching a JV soccer team in the midst of all of this? What is a life?  Why have I done this to myself?

So my tank has been negative empty. I knew it was going to happen. I knew it was likely that I would push to hard (and I did).  And today I found myself feeling guilty. Like I should have done all of these things better. That I could have coached better, helped the show run smoother, whatever. And, knowing what I know now, I could. And next year, I will. But for now, there’s this kind of fog hanging over me as I try to find my footing again.

Speaking of feet, I get to have surgery in June, on my foot. I am 97 years old and have a bunion, and pre-arthritic joint. And I cant drive for 4-6 weeks. So. There’s that. I’m kinda nervous about it. I’ve never had surgery (except wisdom teeth). And of course one of my soccer players HAD to be like, “you could die on the table, I watch Grey’s anatomy”. Kids…

So that’s how it is. Feeling guilty, anxious, and basically on negative-empty. I’m working on it. I planted one of my gardens, which is good. I’m trying to get back to writing, but my brain doesn’t exactly want to cooperate at this time. But some of the characters have finally started speaking to me again, and that’s a good sign.

Anyways. Thanks for reading. Don’t let any Avengers spoilers slip, k?

Peace, Love, Cake,

-C

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About blondehairbrowndog

C is a recent graduate of Michigan State University (Go Green!) with a bachelors degree in English. She currently resides in the Mitten state with her Mister, three dogs, and one and a half cats. She enjoys large cups of coffee, running, and long walks in the woods.
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